


Farewell Colin Jost

by cojosts, inSarahslife



Category: Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF
Genre: Angst, Blood, Dost, Highschool AU, M/M, Other, Stabbing, apocalypse au, i love pain, snl, unrequited love(?) kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 15:57:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14168394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cojosts/pseuds/cojosts, https://archiveofourown.org/users/inSarahslife/pseuds/inSarahslife
Summary: The recent grads (snl castmembers) of Foresthill High School are forced to take refuge in an apocalypse situation. Colin gets injured and things don't work out to well for him.





	Farewell Colin Jost

All of this shit started when Colin was cleaning out his bunk. A small shard of metal scratched his arm and he had to have it bandaged up. He knew that the group had been trying to do supply runs but were unsuccessful for awhile. So the last thing he needed was for it to get infected. Mikey put an ace bandage around the area to keep all contaminants out. They had no actual bandaids anymore, Mikey was pleasantly surprised to find an ace bandage in one of the gym locker rooms. Colin was lucky to even have the bandage, and he more or less forgot about the cut. Every once and a while it would sting again, but he figured that was to be expected.

It was a few days later Colin and couldn’t fall asleep. He’d been tossing and turning for hours but nothing was working. He sighed and stared at the wall. After a few minutes his eyes wandered to his damaged arm after he’d noticed he was absentmindedly playing with the bandage. He figured it was an okay time to examine how it was healing. He undid the bandage slowly and winced at the end as it was sticking to his wound. It stung a bit, but he was able to finish tearing off the bandage. When he saw the state of his arm he felt entirely sick to his stomach..A large portion of his arm was turning green and purple and it seemed to be spreading. There was puss coming out of the part that was scratched and the whole thing looked disgusting. His eyes grew wide and he thought his heart stopped beating for a few seconds. His throat went dry and he couldn’t help but stare. He wanted to look away because of the nasty state it was in but he couldn’t. It was spreading up his arm at an alarmingly high rate. He mentally cursed himself for not noticing it sooner. If only he fucking paid attention when he was taking his shirt off maybe it could’ve been prevented.

"Fuck fuck fuck." he whispered to himself while trying to touch it. When he did, he realized it stung like a bitch. ‘You idiot, this is why your arm’s been hurting’ he thought to himself. His first instinct was to tell Mikey in the morning, but then he remembered, ‘We're nearly out of supplies…’ He didn’t want to jeopardize everyone's lives because he couldn’t handle a fucking cut. He thought about putting the bandage back on but decided against it because it was covered in the same body fluids that he was trying to heal. He grabbed a spare shirt of his and ripped a long strip of it off and tied it around the cut. He figured if Mikey asked about it he could just say that he needed a new bandage and he thought outside of the box.

As much as Colin tried to ignore the pain over the next day or so, whenever his arm touched anything it hurt like hell. He couldn’t go 5 minutes without the nagging thought of whatever might happen to him. He kept trying to tell himself that he'll get better- that it would heal in time, but every time he checked it, it seemed that wasn’t the case. He didn’t really think too much of the severity of it until he went to scratch his neck and felt an abrasion. He hurried to the bathroom to examine what the fuck was going on and felt his stomach drop at the sight. The infection had made its way up his neck and was very close to hitting his face. The panic began to set in for him while he contemplated telling Mikey about it.  
He decided not to tell him, not yet. He pulled on a hoodie that hid the mark, and tried to find Pete. He didn’t want to tell him, but at least he could take his mind off of this and go for a walk or something. He eventually found him in his room reading one of the books that was left in the library. Colin quietly knocked on the door to get his attention. Pete looked up and greeted Colin with a warm smile. 

“Hey, man. What’s up?”

“Nothing really. Do you wanna go for a walk with me? I’m feeling pretty bored.”

Pete set down his book and stood up "I'd love to, haven't stretched my legs in a while. What have you been up to?"

Pete and Colin both began to aimlessly stroll the hallways together. “Not really a whole lot of anything. I’ve been stuck inside these past few days so I’ve just been going a little stir crazy. But you know how that goes. What about you?”

"Honestly does anything new ever happen in this place? Looks like we're gonna be here for a while" Colin nodded in agreement. He took a deep breath, planning on telling Pete about what's been going on when he stops him first "What's that on your neck?"

“I..I’m not too sure yet. I got cut a days ago and I think it might be infected or something. It started out on my arm and now it’s making its way up my neck.” Colin began to hyperventilate at the thought of it again. “I thought I could fix it myself but it’s not working and I don’t know what to do!”

"Oh fuck Colin...let me see your arm" Pete grabbed his wrist and pushed up the sleeve. Colin still had the piece of cloth wrapped around it, but Pete could clearly see where it had spread beyond the T-shirt. At this point, the wound was..so much worse than either of them could've imagined. Colin winced at Pete's touch and he started to breathe heavy again when he saw his reaction.

“Pete, I don’t know what to do. What the fuck do I do?” Colin cried to him. 

“Come on, we need to take you to Mikey.” Pete attempted to guide Colin towards Mikey’s room but Colin came to a stop. 

“No, you can’t. We barely have any medical supplies as it is, I can’t let him waste any on me.”

When Pete saw the fear in Colin's eyes, his vision started to go blurry as he noticed himself tearing up "Is...is that why you didn't get help Colin?" Pete spoke softly. "Because you thought we'd be wasting them on you?" 

Colin turned his head away slightly and nodded "We can't afford it.."

“You matter to this group just as much as everyone else. We don’t know what any of this means, but if there’s a snowballs chance in hell that one of the antibiotics can help this, you’re sure as shit gonna take whatever he gives you. Come on, we’re going to see Mikey even if I have drag your ass to him.”

Colin reluctantly followed along, not wanting to make this any harder for Pete. When they finally got to his room, Colin stumbled in. He was growing weaker and he looked like a fucking mess. Mikey instantly noticed his arm, which still had the sleeve pushed up. Although not as obvious, he also took note of the small bruises that seemed to be licking his jawline

“What the hell happened?” Mikey asked, hurrying over to the two of them. Pete was practically holding Colin up at this point. He lowered Colin to the bed and Mikey carefully took Colin’s shirt off to examine the damage done. “Did your cut not heal?”

“No,” Colin breathed out. 

“It’s infected really bad. When did it start to get infected, do you know?”

“A few days ago.”

“I don’t...why didn’t you come here sooner? I could’ve probably stopped it!” Mikey’s voice began to raise in frustration. 

“Hey man, back off!” Pete shoved Mikey’s shoulder. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Mikey took a deep breath to cool himself down. 

“He didn’t want to use up the last of the med supplies.”

"You...is that true Colin?" Colin nodded again, ashamed of himself. Mikey was frustrated, but he moved to take a look anyways. "It's only been what, a week, since your cut? This shit spread fast. I'll see what I have" Mikey took one more look at the infection that was nearing Colin's face before getting up and opening the supply cupboard.  
Mikey sighed heavily after some moments in his cupboard. The only things he had found to help were some Advil and two expired penicillin pills. He didn’t even have any alcohol pads to clean anything. Mikey began to fear Colin’s outcome at this point. 

“I don’t..I don’t really have much that can help. The Advil can help with the pain. The penicillin will maybe help with the wound. It’s a strong maybe though because it’s expired. I can try and clean the wounds with whiskey or something. But this is all I have that can help. I’m so sorry Colin.”

Colin's stomach dropped. He didn't know what he expected. There wasn't much hope in the first place, but now whatever bit he did have drained. As he felt his anxiety flare up again he asked, with his voice cracking "Hey Mikey...do you think I'll..." he didn’t want to say it. He didn’t even want to think about it "Am I going to die?"

Mikey took a deep sigh before looking to Colin and saying “It all depends on how your body responds to the medicine. It’s looking pretty bad, but things could change.” Mikey didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. That he wasn’t going to make it. He wasn’t even sure if Colin had come earlier if it could’ve been prevented. Being low on supplies was difficult before but now it was literally killing them. 

“And the odds of that happening?” Colin asked with no hope in his voice. Mikey didn’t respond; he just stared at one square tile of his floor.  
Colin took the hint and nodded slightly. "Well..thanks anyways. I'm sorry about all of this" He tried to stand up, but nearly collapsed onto the floor. He would have if Pete wasn't there to catch him. Pete took what medicine he could, and walked out with Colin slumped over his shoulder. They made their way to Colin's room which is luckily only a few over. He couldn't have made it much further.

The two of them sat in silence, neither really knowing what to say at this point. The hope that Colin would’ve healed and been fine was all gone. Colin’s eyes were glued to the cuts again. If he could have simply avoided the piece of metal sticking out of his bed none of this would have happened. He was dying. Colin fucking Jost was dying.  
After a while Pete suggested Colin at least take Advil for the pain. Colin didn't say a word, but just shook his head. If he was going to fucking die anyways, there was no point in wasting those now. Pete moved to sit on Colin's bed with him. He sat on his left-his good side, and rested his head on his shoulder carefully "I'm so sorry Colin"

“I never thought...you know, it would ever happen to me. Despite how shitty the world is now, I still imagined it as being an old man. And I never thought it would be in my high school. I can’t tell you how many classes I thought I was going to die from boredom in. It kinda seems fitting to me now.” Colin tried to joke behind the tears. He didn’t want to show how scared he was to Pete. He didn’t want him to worry.

"This isn't fucking fair Colin..You deserve so much better than this bullshit. I don't know why the world decided to put you through this, but I'll never forgive it for that" Pete ignored Colin's attempt at humor and started to cry alongside him "I'll never fucking forgive it"

“Please don’t cry.” Colin started, wiping Pete’s tears away. “I don’t want you to be sad when you think of me. I want you think about all the great times we’ve had together. We’ve known each other practically our whole lives. I know it sucks, and it’s not fair, but we can’t change it. It’s easier if we just say ‘fuck it’, accept it, and move on.”

Pete smiled weakly, for Colin's sake and grabbed his hand in his "I don't know what I'll do without you." he felt sick to his stomach for even proposing that "It'll never be the same"

“It’ll be okay. I promise.” Colin assured him. Colin didn’t know how he was feeling. On one hand he was terrified of death, and the other hand he was okay with it. He was scared of dying but he accepted the fact that he was. Colin felt his body getting weaker. He didn’t know when it was going to happen either. He was praying that it didn’t happen while Pete was there.

Pete noticed it was getting a little late, but probably not time for sleep yet "You want me to grab you some dinner? You should really eat something.."  
Colin almost objected, but he knew Pete would argue with him so he just nodded "Sure..thank you" 

Pete left and came back about 10 minutes later with two plates of food and an extra warm blanket.“We don’t really have a lot of food for tonight. I got you some soup and some rice. I also snagged a granola bar for you when no one was looking.” Pete placed the plate on Colin’s bed next to him. He went into the pockets of his sweatpants and pulled out a water bottle for Colin. 

Colin smiled weakly as Pete sat next to him on the bed "Thank you..seriously, for everything." he grabbed the bowl and started to eat what he can stomach. They both sat in silence for a while, eating before Colin asked "Hey Pete, could you maybe..could you stay with me tonight? I don't want to burden you anymore than I already have, but I could use the company" 

Pete finished his food and softly responded "I was planning on it. There's no way I'm leaving you alone tonight"

“Do you need me to get you anything else?” Pete asked him a few minutes later. He wanted Colin to be as comfortable as possible but wasn’t sure if Colin really wanted anything. He wouldn’t take any medicine and Pete could tell that he was hesitant in eating.

Colin shook his head "No, I'm just glad you're here" and he really fucking meant it. If he was only going to last a few more days, he was glad he could spend it with Pete.  
“Well, like I said, I’ll be here all night. You need all the company you can get right now. Are you planning on telling Beck any of this? If you don’t, then I’ll respect your wishes for that.”

Colin sighed "Yeah I'll tell him tomorrow..I should talk to him about this." Colin had to say goodbye to Beck and Mikey, but he just didn't have the heart to tell Pete. "I..I'm sorry Pete" 

Pete set down his bowl and grabbed Colin’s hand, gently "About what? Don't apologize, please" 

Colin's eyes were tearing up again. "Just...I'm afraid to leave you"

“Well, you haven’t left yet. You’ve still got time. What do you want to do tonight?” Pete asked, trying to get Colin out of his slump he was in.  
"Honestly, can we just stay here?...I'm sorry. I don't feel strong enough to walk" Colin said with a sad look on his face. He wished he could spend a better time, more time with Pete. But he could barely get out of bed. 

"That's no problem! I'll stay here with you." Pete squeezed his hand lightly and shifted so he was sitting next to him on the be.

“I’m actually feeling pretty tired right now. I’m gonna try and get some sleep.” Colin announced later in the night. Pete gave him the extra blanket to keep him warm. 

“Is this okay?" Pete asked softly as he climbed into bed next to him.

"Yeah this is perfect..just probably don't get too close" Colin was out in only a few minutes, he was exhausted. But Pete couldn’t sleep. He kept thinking about the next day..and what he had to do. He didn't want to, and he knew it would kill him. But it hurt worse to see Colin like this.  
Before he knows it the sun had risen and Colin was stirring awake. He groans as he tries to sit up in bed but fails.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Pete asked, turning to face him. He tried to sound like he hadn’t been up all night but he knew the dark circles under his eyes would give him away.

“Like a million bucks.” Colin mumbled, peeking at him through his blankets.  
Pete noticed right away that his condition had gotten worse over the night. The spots had spread to his face and he seemed exhausted...Weaker. Pete's stomach churned, but he put on a weak smile and helped Colin out of bed.

“Do you feel like eating this morning? I can see if I can swipe some granola bars for you again if you want.” Pete offered. He knew that Colin probably wouldn’t have the energy, motivation, or desire to eat anything but he would at least try.

"No thanks Pete." Honestly Colin would've taken one if he could stomach anything, but his body was decaying and he knew it wasn't going to stay down. Colin sighed "I should talk to Beck. I don't know if Mikey's told him anything, but I should probably talk to him one-on-one"

“Well I can take you over to him. It’s the least I can do for you right now.” Pete threw his arm around his shoulder and helped him up. He took him out of his room and then began to search for Beck. A few people that they pass gave them both alarmed looks when seeing Colin but no one said anything.

When they made their way to Beck's room, Mikey was already in there talking to him, presumably about Colin. They stopped talking when they saw Colin and Pete in the doorframe, and Beck stood up abruptly to greet them. Pete gently sat Colin down in one of the chairs and explained that Colin wanted to talk to Beck alone before making his way out. To go for a walk. To clear his mind. 

“Colin.” Beck exhaled at the sight of him. He knew that Colin wasn’t go to make it after this one. There’d been some close calls for him before but nothing ever this serious. Beck cursed himself internally for him being this way. “What the hell happened?” He softly asked Colin, observing his wounds.

Colin took a deep breath before explaining his story. He motioned to Mikey "He tried..but there was nothing he could do. It's too late. I'm so sorry." Colin was on the verge of tears again as he started to tell them that he was planning on ending it tonight. He didn’t know how long he was going to last anyways and everything fucking hurt.

“No, it’s not too late. Don’t give up. Man, you can beat this. I can send everyone out on supply runs until we find something. You can’t just take your life like that. I’m not allowing it.” Beck folded his arms defensively. 

“It’s not your life, Beck.” Colin reminded him. He knew that he was just trying to be a good leader but it still wasn’t his decision. It was Colin’s. 

“Mikey, can you back me up here? Tell him he’s gotta continue on until we find something else.” 

“It’s not your life.” Mikey reluctantly agreed with Colin even if he wanted him to keep fighting.

Colin was getting frustrated. "Listen. I'm going to do it anyways, I just thought you guys ought to know" Beck nodded silently. He had some hope, but after hearing about the condition, he couldn't blame Colin. 

He sighed and stood up, patting Colin carefully on the shoulder "I'm really sorry about this whole thing. This is such a shitshow; you don't deserve this"

“I know. I am too. But we can’t go back in time to change anything.” Colin sighed, he was still upset with himself for the whole thing. But it wouldn’t be much longer he had to deal with this guilt. 

“Is there anything we can do for you to make this a little easier for you?”

Colin shook his head. "No..It's fine, thank you. I don't have the heart to talk to the rest of the guys though..Can you come up with something?"

“It’s no problem. Colin, with everything that’s happened, I’m glad that you were part of this group. I’m really happy that I met you in the fourth grade. There’s no other person from the debate team I would want to be in this hell hole with.” Beck was trying his hardest to hold back tears and stay strong for Colin’s sake.

"Me too" Colin grabbed Beck's hand and squeezed weakly "I'm so glad I've been here with you guys, no matter how shitty it's been." Colin then tried to stand up with a bit more accomplishment than earlier, but he still had to steady himself on Beck.

Beck wrapped his arms around Colin and hugged him tightly. He hated losing people in his group, especially ones he’d known half his life. He had no fucking clue what he was going to tell everyone else once Colin did it. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with himself either.

With Beck's help, Colin stumbled back into the hallway where Pete had apparently been pacing back and forth, waiting for him. Pete hurried over and took Colin’s arm from Beck. Beck went back into his room and slammed the door behind him. 

“How did he take it?” Pete asked confused at the slamming of the door. 

“He’s upset but I would be too so it’s understandable.”

Pete sighed and took on most of Colin's weight "Come on, I want to show you something"

“Where are you taking me?” Colin asked while being taken down a few different hallways.

Pete eventually dragged Colin into a room that he recognized as the old art room. He spent a good chunk of high school in here "Wh..what did you want to show me in here?" 

“I found our old yearbook from senior year. I forgot how easy it was back then. We were all so stupid and innocent. Plus I never noticed how funny your hair was in your senior pictures.”

Pete sat next to where Colin had already found a seat on a bench, putting the yearbook on his lap and flipping to Colin's picture. Pete's was there on the same page, and wasn't much better.

“Shut up. My mom made me wear my hair like that. Casey’s hair looked like that too. Besides, yours looks funny too!” He laughed genuinely. It had been awhile since he had done that.

Pete's heart nearly broke when he heard Colin's laugh. He knew it might be the last time he would ever hear it. He didn’t even realize it when he was crying again "Colin?..."  
Colin looked up to Pete in confusion. He didn’t know why he was crying they were just looking at an old yearbook and comparing each other’s hair in the pictures. What was sad about that?

Pete turned to Colin, his eyes visibly wet and red now. "Fuck Colin..It hurts to see you like this. It's been killing me these past few days." He grabbed Colin's hands in his, laying the yearbook to the side "I'm sorry..I'm so fucking sorry" 

Colin gave him a puzzled look "What do you have to be sorry about? None of this is your fault."

Pete could barely look at him anymore "I'm so sorry--for this. I love you Colin Jost" As he said those final five words, he grabbed the knife that has been strapped to his hip, and plunged it through Colin's left temple. When the knife first goes in, he felt slight resistance from his skull, so he pressed harder, diving the knife directly into Colin's brain.  
He took a few steps backwards after doing this. He collapsed to the ground in heartache, anger and disgust. His heart broke and fell at the sight of Colin. He didn’t take the knife out so it was left sitting through his skull. He almost expected him to spring back to life with his smile that Pete loved. But he knew that it wouldn’t happen. Colin was dead and gone because of him.

Pete laid on the floor and sobbed for what seemed like an eternity. He laid in a puddle of his own tears, and Colin's blood and kept repeating the same thing over and over "I'm sorry Colin. I'm so fucking sorry. Fuck Colin I'm sorry" He eventually pulled himself off the ground and almost threw up over the sight of him.  
Pete couldn’t stop looking at Colin’s eyes. Everything had happened so quickly that it didn’t click that a few minutes ago would be the last time he could look into his eyes. Even though they were hurting and dull, he would take that over the lifeless ones that never looked away.  
Pete sighed and ran his hand over his face, closing Colin's eyes for good. Then he pulled out the knife which came with a disgusting sound that he wasn’t sure he would ever get out of his head, along with another gush of blood.  
He grabbed anything he could find to add pressure to try and stop the bleeding but he knew that there really wasn’t a point. Colin was dead on impact. He picked up Colin fireman style and drudged down the hallways. His body was so limp and empty it scared the shit out of Pete.

He took the long way to the gym, where he assumed everyone would be eating lunch by now. He had no idea what he was going to say when he got there. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to say anything. He saw the light illuminating out from the side doors and he entered slowly. The closer he gote to the group, more and more heads turned his way, followed by gasps and screams.  
“I...I’m so sorry!” He sobbed out loud to no one in particular  
Pete shifted Colin's body so he was in front of him, in his arms, laying limp. "Fuck" He broke down onto his knees again, crying over his body. He wanted to let go of him, but he couldn’t.

Beck and Mikey ran up to the scene and struggled to pull Colin away from Pete but his grip was too tight. Alex and Taran hurried over to help them any way possible. Eventually they pried Pete away from Colin’s body. 

“No! Let me go!” Pete cried out, attempting to break free from Taran’s hold.

“He’s gone, Pete, he’s gone!” Beck told him firmly with his hands on either side of him.

Eventually, a few people moved Colin's body, so it wasn’t directly in front of Pete. His vision was blurry, but he could see a vivid streak of red follow his body across the gym floor. He doesn't even know what he was saying; he just kept blurting out ‘I'm sorry’s and ‘I miss him’s and ‘he didn't deserve this’s.

“Why do you keep apologizing, Pete? None of this is your fault. You didn’t do any of this. It was Colin’s choice.” Mikey asked, moving closer to him. Pete slowed down his crying a bit to give Mikey a confused look. 

“Colin’s choice?”

“He’s the one that wanted to do this.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Colin did this to himself....what are you talking about?”

Pete was mad and frustrated at this point. ‘Don't they fucking get it?’  
"So Colin fucking drove a knife through his own skull while I was crying over his body?"

“Oh my god,” Beck was starting to put everything together. “Tell me you didn’t do this Pete.” He begged him.

Pete hunched over the floor, and swiped through the puddle of blood with his thumb as he nodded mournfully.  
“He was sick an..and in pain. I had to put him out of his misery. He would’ve done true same thing for me.” Pete didn’t look up to meet Beck’s or anyone else’s eyes. He stayed concentrated on the blood.

Beck leaned down next to Pete and hugged him tight, knowing he probably needed it. Pete was about to shove him off but instead he held him closer, sobbing onto his shoulder. “It’s okay. Everything is gonna be alright. We’re gonna make it through this together.” Beck rubbed Pete’s back comfortingly.

"It's not okay" Pete said numbly "I'm never going to see him again...fuck"

“We’re gonna take this thing one day at a time. It’s gonna suck for awhile the only direction we can move is forward. I’m sorry, man. I know how much he meant to you. He meant a lot to everyone else too but you guys were really close. I can’t pretend to know what kind of pain you’re in right now, but whatever you need, whatever you want we’ll get it for you.”

Pete got quiet again "I don't need anything..I don't deserve anything"

“Don’t do this to yourself, Pete. Colin was sick and dying. He told Mikey and I that he was planning on doing that to himself today. I tried to talk him out of it but he wouldn’t budge. You just...beat him to it. Don’t blame this on you. It wasn’t your fault.” Beck assured him.

Pete pulled away from Beck before taking one final look at the body, and whispering one last “I'm so fucking sorry" and passing out on the floor, in the puddle of Colin Jost's blood.

 

\- - - 

 

When Pete woke up a few hours later he was in his bed and Beck was standing over him “Where’s Colin?” He asked instinctively, his throat hoarse and sore from screaming. 

“He’s..we moved him into the courtyard. Pete, are you okay?”

Pete stared out the window “No...no I’m not, honestly. I..fuck. Beck I have to bury him.”

Beck looked down at him and nodded.  
“I get it. You two were really close. If you want to, you’re more than welcome.” he said as he laid his hand on his shoulder. Pete sighed and leaned back against the headboard. He wasn’t sure he could do it quite yet. He couldn’t bring himself to see his body again right now. Beck left and allowed Pete to be alone with his thoughts and get some rest. 

Pete turned in his bunk for a few hours before he dragged himself out of bed. He shoved his hands in his pockets and wandered the halls. It must’ve be past midnight by then. Before he knew where his feet were taking him, he was at the entrance to the school. It had been off limits (as ordered by Beck) to leave the building for more than a minute or so at a time. The air outside was still toxic. That didn’t stop Pete from opening the latch and stepping out.  
He knew there was a small patch of flowers right outside the entrance that were still growing by some miracle. Pete pulled his hoodie up over his nose and squinted in the moonlight to find a few flowers to pick. He grabbed a handful of violets and stumbled back inside, feeling lightheaded from the radiation. He made sure to close the door and almost collapsed against the brick wall in the foyer. Once he steadied himself and took a few deep breaths, he started to head to the courtyard. On the way, he rummaged through one of the old supply closets and found a good-sized shovel and a gas mask. Pete took a deep breath before pulling on the mask and stepping out into the courtyard. 

His eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness under a full moon and he could see Colin’s body slumped up against the far wall. Pete averted his eyes. He couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. The blood had dried, and his body looked so limp and helpless. Pete scoped out a plot of ground before he went to work, plunging his shovel into the dirt. Shovel after shovel of dirt got flung over his shoulder and his sweat was mixing with his tears. He wasn’t sure how long he had been at this. An hour? Two? It didn’t matter; he was almost done. Pete stepped back to look at the dent he had made; eyed it in comparison to Colin’s body to make sure he would fit. He nodded to himself and let the shovel fall to the ground.  
He never thought he’d have to do this, and it killed him as he walked towards the body of his best friend again. Pete wiped his sweaty hands against his hoodie before gently lifting his body. His heart broke when he feels how light he is once again. Pete carefully set him into the grave he’d just dug out. He folded Colin’s arms and swiped a hair out of his face tenderly. Pete placed a single violet in Colin’s cold, folded hands, saving the rest to set on top of his grave. After taking one last look at his old friend, Pete grabbed the shovel again, filling in around his body with dirt. He eventually filled it in entirely and smoothed out the surface. He grabbed the remaining violets which he had set on the side and planted them right over where Colin’s chest was, a foot or so beneath. Pete stood up before slipping off the mask and whispering one last “Goodbye Colin Jost” and walking away.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry except no I'm not you're welcome :^)
> 
> (also rip this is my first time writing anything and idk if i'll ever do more in the furture who knows)


End file.
